A post in which the month of May was forgotten...

So yeah, I don't what happened to me... I think I came down with the bloggersblock... LIES I know I know... I just lay and sleep now that school is out and I was let go from my job, but hey sleep is needed right?  And I must have missed out on tons of it during the school year.  

So the past few weeks have been crazy I am moving away from home in August and I had to go 400 miles to my new school just to register for classes.. urgh but it was fun I got to go with my best friend/brother Dallas and we stayed at his brothers' house it was fun!!

Upon arriving in Boise there were some sights to see... such as kids dragging a car bumper down the road with them...  Tough neighborhood haha.  And people who stop after the white lines of stopping-ness at stop lights causing people to have to walk ALL the way around them and say "words of support".  But all in all that was no deterrent to living there, I can't wait!!!!

And this next weekend I get to go to a concert!!  And then the weekend after I am going to hang out with Bree and Cher!

Okay so now comes the tough part.. fessing up the fact that I don't want to leave my friends when I move and I want to pack them all up and take them with me... sigh... oh well that will be saved for another blog in which I will be more depressing and whatnot.

So I watched that one show...

Have you seen Julie and Julia?  Well I watched it a few weeks ago and I thought "Gosh what a great idea!"  then I remembered when I cook I don't like how it turns out.  Things turn out just fine and every body loves them (or at least says they do) but I don't I always think "yuck tastes a little dry" or "Gross too much salt".  The only thing is this is ONLY with my cooking, I must be too judgmental about my food.  So in my case it would be Taylor and Julia and I don't think that works and wouldn't get me a movie about my life and how I decided to cook to get my mind off the boring desk job and suck-y-ness of life in general.  But this is beside the point.  Actually I don't really know if this had a point... hmmm....  


LIST TIME because what good is a blog without a list, or at least something to get a small giggle out of a reader!


Todays theme is, things to say to a classroom to get peoples attention (or to get them to tune you out):


1.  "And now a word from our sponsor"
2.  "CONDOM"  Oh boy does that one work, I have tried it.  
3.  "You get this whatchamacallit number and do that with it"
4.  "Is that superman?!"
5.  "I think the mother-ship is calling, can you take a message?"
6.  "Don't make me break out the bagpipes" ~ Thanks to Vic for this idea.  
7.  "Why yes toilet paper stuck to your shoe is all the rage in Europe"
8.  "No I don't suppose that is something you should do in public"
9.  "I want control!"
10.  "And now back to the show"

Google map fun, I feel almost like God!

Well today in order to kill time I have decided to play with my new found toy, google maps.  Things I have found so far:

1.  My house, I can almost see me waving from space! Is that a dog turd?  I should clean up more often if people are going to be looking at my house

2. My school.  Look at all the itty bitty cars!  I think one of those is mine!  The lawn is green so this must be sometime in nicer weather...  Not to mention the roof is brown on one of those buildings.. Guess I hardly ever go up to the roof so I don't know what color it really is.

3.  It takes me 27 mins to get to my school by car.

4.  If I walked it would be 3 hours 25 mins.  Without a potty break I am assuming.

5.  My friend has a half pipe in their back yard... guess what I can see?  The half pipe!  HAHAHA oh how exciting... almost like playing God.. but without the ability to meddle in peoples lives.

6.  I found Wal-Mart! It takes 36 mins to walk to from my friends house but if I drove... it would be 7 mins.

I am pretty sure I am the only one who feels this way about google maps but it makes me feel powerful!

Water Bottles and Lists!

Today is... well Thursday... I went around most of the day yesterday trying to convince people it was Tuesday, so lets face it, the days with the T in the name are well special to me for no apparent reason.

I got a free water bottle... that has a twisty hand holder-y-doo and lets just say that twisty part had to be taught to me by my dear friend Cassie and her hubby.  Hard to imagine but it was something from ISU so not totally of the normal consumer goods section.  I don't know why this came to mind, maybe it is because I have been siphoning water off my co-workers/friends water bottles or the fact that it was twisty and somewhat hard to open...  I don't know.

I think it is over due for one of those things... a LIST!  I can hear you typing away at the joy that just made you feel.  Hmm what should I title this list....  I know it has to have 10 things....  Ah 10 things you never want to hear a library patron say!

1.  "Um.. yeah.. there is dead body back there between sci-fi and horror"
2.  "I was running with the scissors and... well..."
3.  "I re-organized the books, I think it will be much easier this way!"
4.  "The copier ate my gum ball"
5.  "Does water kill books?"
6.  "PAPER CUT"
7.  "One of these days when it's a slow day I will have to come and scan in all of these books"
8.  "Can I eat the paper?"
9.  "This... is.... a... Library?"
10.  "Oh that was a joke... I get it..."

You would be surprised at how many people say these kinds of things.  I once had a lady ask if she could borrow my scissors so my reply was "only as long as you don't run with them" yeah she did get the joke.... she later asked me if it was joke and I said yes... common now lady... this is college, and I am a student stuck here behind this desk without anything to do...  I am going to crack a joke or two.. three... four... forget it.

Seriousness is something that is like a tie, only a once and awhile occasion.  Oh that is pretty good...

It's been awhile...

I know I know, I am trying to sit down and do these blog things once a week or more but it just hasn't hit. Seems like every year I get the blogger block (creative huh?) and the witty sarcastic prose that I write here just don't write themselves like they ought to. So I go back and re-read my blogs and think to myself, "I am funny! What happened?" Totally not okay. (Not to mention the lack of comments, ahem, ahem) But anyways back to what I was thinking about saying... Today has been... well... one of those days... I know what you are thinking, "ARGH he is going to write another depressing blog about his life". Geez that makes my life sound like it sucks... It really doesn't... in fact life is pretty good I am not complaining.

However there are people within my said life that only show up for a blip but it makes me want to beat them over the head with... well... a piano. Lets start off shall we?

Today on the phone with someone:
Me: "Blah blah blah this is Taylor" (To protect others and me I have changed my title to blah blah blah)
Them: "When is your back-to-school night?"
Me: "Ummm I'm sorry I don't think I understand your question"
Them: "You know.. back-to-school night"
Me: "Umm still no clue"
Them: "When do summer classes start?"
Me: "May 16th and July 6" (I gave her the correct dates but I am not sure if these ones are right)
Them: "Nothing later?.... Okay thanks!" click...
*phone rings*
Me: "Blah blah blah this is Taylor" (To protect others and me I have changed my title to blah blah blah)
Them: "Yeah when is Fall back-to-school night?"
Me: "I'm sorry we don't do back-to-school nights"
Them: "When do fall classes start?"
Me: "August 23"
Them: "k thanks" click

Okay... First off... this is college... we don't have back-to-school nights... I tried to tell her that we have alternatives but she wouldn't listen, I don't honestly think she knew what she was talking about... in turn making me sound like I have no clue what I was talking about... Best thing I can say is... I tried lady, I really did...

When dealing in customer service you are bound to get a few people who you want to clobber with... a piano.. but you can't you can just smile and wave. Which is prolly better in the long run, less jail time and what not.

Then I have my new creep patron dude... I have NEVER seen this kid before... and he just kind of appeared out of nowhere whilst I was eating my meatloaf. I stand up and cover my mouth and ask him:
Me: "What can I help ya with" (common library greeting with smile.. unless I am eating then cover my mouth and ask.
Him: "Whatcha eating?"
Me: Stunned... "what am I eating... oh yeah meatloaf!"
Him: "is it good?" (by now I am thinking I should give him some because the way he is asking it's like I am eating quail or something)
Me: "yeah it's okay"
Him: "Oh I just need the math exams"
Me: "Okay here you go" (By now I don't bother to check them out to him I just want him gone.. I want my meatloaf!)
*copier breaks*
Me: "It's having a bad day, let try to copy it this way"
Him: "Oh man that's cool" (okay... stop thinking you want my job...... please...)
*copier still doesn't work*
Me: "Well I trust you enough to go to the other building with these and make copies" (Anything to make you go away?)
Him: "You want me to leave you my ID or something so you know I will come back?" (At this point you could leave me that lint in your pocket, steal my exams I just don't want to deal with you, you took interest in my dinner... like... a really large interest in my dinner..... like you wanted to go out with it kind of dinner...)
Me: "Nah I trust you"
Him: "Okay"
So it ended up he couldn't get his money back so he stayed and made a copy of a different exam instead... He isn't here anymore... and I did get to eat my dinner... Don't get me wrong he was a nice guy he just took a bit too much interest in my meatloaf. Next he would have wanted my yogurt.

In the end it turns out today has just kinda been... well.. weird... Maybe I should vlog or something... but it takes me so long to think up witty things that I should prolly just type them out anyways. Hopefully I will come back with more witty repartee soon!

It seems to me that this blogger.com blog is attracting strange commenters... that are in chinese or japense... I can't read them...

Sometimes you read a haiku about coffee and trees then..

Life throws a curve ball. I will work on getting a picture of this haiku about coffee it is rather funny and I did laugh this morning... Which was about the only good part of my day, so here I am making an attempt to be all cheer-y and whatnot.

Is it working?

Are we there yet?

I don't know exactly. It's... a... day... So here is a list of things that went wrong and additional comments!

1. Friend decides to move away... much before I thought was planned. I guess I am moving too but not till August so that hardly counts as it is so far in the future and things change so quickly... I guess as I witnessed today.
2. Actually... I think that was the only thing that made my day a downer.. so much for my list idea... Worlds shortest list! Well okay that's a lie but it was funny admit it!

At least I am trying right? Life throws you a lime you make.... smoothies out of it? No that can't be right.

At any rate things have been pretty busy, 43 hours a week a school, applying for internships in Boise, things are to say the least, complicated! I suppose this is how life is supposed to be like for normal people who have 9-5 jobs and all that stuff. Well I am off to go do something else totally unproductive as that seems to be today's theme!

If you ate a lion that would be a lot to chew

I should start referring to myself as, "he". Doesn't that sounds fun? And give the illusion that I have a psychological disorder! How exciting he said in a tone that sounded more sarcastic than not. See how it changes his writing style? Makes things seem more... well... h-y.

To say the least things have been pretty steady, given one little road bump. My step father whom we (my friends and I) have dubbed "it" over the years. He and my mother are getting a divorce, so you would think that it's all fun and games till someone steps over the tape line. Someone did. Neither me or my mother but "It". He has decided that because it was I who found him in bed with another woman (who is equally as mentally disable as he is, when we use this term it gives only one mental picture... Jack Nicholson) he thinks that I have some part to play in the divorce. Tis not I who am married to the walking hobo tis my mother.

So in this story he is trying really hard to pin me with poisoning his food with.. you guessed it flour... He has gluten intolerance and it will make him terribly ill... But do any of you see me as this malicious? I would hope not because poison him flour was not even a thought on my mind. I would gladly submit myself to lie detector test to prove this. Slander is what this is. From a sick man of course. I have hardly any time in which to concoct such schemes, I mean I have school, work, and a life to lead! I hardly have time to see myself in the mirror! haha.

So all in all, it hasn't been the most pleasant ride. But it is better than the life I lived with him!

It just goes to show that life is not always fun in blogger land. As you can see he didn't write using he to describe himself as aforementioned, oops. A little too much effort for the land blog.

So lets see how about this one! "Things you prolly shouldn't say to yourself"

1. "Is that mole new or did that one multiply?"

2. "I think I need to shave my nose hair"

3. "Did I eat (Insert meal) today?"

4. "Did that lump move?"

5. "I wonder if that person has to comb his.... hair... piece..."

6. "You make fun of the hair piece now, what happens when you have to have one"

7. "In all honesty does that even work?"

8. "Too blunt? Too blunt..."

So give this blog a better under-tone than it started with I am going to end it with

"head on apply directly to your forehead"

You are welcome Liz :P You will get me for this I know you will.

10 ways to tell if you are having a good day

1. You did not wake up in a puddle of melting snow. Kind of wet and sloshy.. like my dogs kisses... or chin...

2. You were not a victim of a "drive by catting". This is where you fall victim of being in the wrong neighborhood and find yourself against odds with a Siamese.

3. On your way to work you did not get run over. Bound to cause any day to suck, well okay I am not going to say this with 100% confidence but I am sure it is not pleasant.

4. Your hair does not have it's own weather system. Of all things in the world, curly hair is almost the worst thing. You go outside and get a lil wind, bam your hair looks like you just woke up and it is all lopsided and stuff.

5. You come out of work to find your car where you left it. Or in my case you walk out of work and have to think very very very hard... "Now where did I park..." And this happens in wal-mart, I always have to play, Hide and seek with my car... *snickers* "I doubt he can see me behind this huge truck".

6. The place you work in has not been infested by any of the following: Hannibal Lecture, Zombies, Warlocks, Demons, Small Children, Bats, Spiders, Evil ninjas. Just those every day things that can get on peoples nerves.

7. People actually read your blog and MAKE COMMENTS. It is almost sad when i post this on 3 different websites (Facebook, myspace, blogger) and I don't get any comments. What is up with that?

8. You have not fallen victim to the black plague, no limbs fall off, we don't all fall down, that last one about falling down really suits me.

9. You don't have to stop at the store for adult depends. You were almost home but then you get that call... It's like "honey can you pick up some milk, and adult diapers." and you say "sure, sure 1% or 2%"

10. Aliens haven't abducted you and taken you to their planet to raise you as a pet. "Mommy I was a human too!" "No sweetie, they are a lot of work and responsibility"

Why I do not play the cello in an orchestra

1. I don't play the cello, I have only taken flute lessons and that was a very long time ago.

2. I am a big believer on Murphy's law, if something bad can happen, it will. I can imagine it now, my strings becoming entangled in my bow and then my bow becoming like an arrow and taking out the people sitting next to me. Can you say ouch much?

3. An instrument that big is bound to be blunt too, a blunt instrument (punny!). I can just imagine me losing control of it and it sliding off the stage and knocking out the people sitting in the front row. In this case you shouldn't have bought those great expensive tickets eh?

4. Think screamo, cello style. I dont even like screamo or anything rough on the ears for that matter but somehow I would stuck in the scremo orchestra and well I am sure I can make any instrument scream... wow that sounds bad, no way to rephrase that one so it sounds better.

5. I would try to ride my cello, that would be fun but I hear they buck like one of those bulls at the fair so I would end up on the floor with a big cello horn stuck in my side and the clowns would have to come out to distract my enraged instrument, I would name her, Olga the Cello, creative huh?

I don't know what exactly inspired a blog on me not playing the cello in an orchestra but I figued it would bring a smile to my readers.

10 ways to know if you are having a great morning

In contrast to my semi-angry blog the other day this one is quite the opposite, not all like attractive opposite but more like the kind of opposite they teach on seasme street. I decided that I should give some excellent ways to tell if you are having a great morning!

1. You wake up and you do not step in cat throw up- it's like a land mine only more mushy and less explod-y

2. Your car does not make that sound- you know that one sound that you think "I should get that checked" and then never do because who in the world has time for these things?

3. You know you aren't in Russia- because in Russia mornings grate you. Lame I know but I am on a roll with these In Russia jokes, I only pick on them because I am leaning about them in HIST 326. Next week I will prolly be telling jokes about Italy and Fascism.

4. You realize that you had pizza for dinner and it is possible to eat it for breakfast- this is of course only if you wake up early enough to get a slice, you know how rotten it is to take that last piece of something or other when someone was really craving it!? Yeah happens almost dailiy for me.

5. You do not have signing lawn ornaments- we couldn't find any singing lawn ornaments that were willing to stick around during the winter, although feel free to drive past in the summer and listen to our singing flamingos rendition of "It's a small world"

6. When you wake up sining Lady Gaga and Ke$ha- only on good mornings do I wake up with songs already in my head, usually they just fliter in after the voices are done arguing.

7. You realize your broom has a full tank!- Have you ever had to stop for.. broom fuel while on your way to work? I mean honesly filling up one those... broom tanks... takes like 20 bucks! that is hard earned cold cash right there! Just don't leave your dust pan in the ignition they don't like that.

8. When you decide to name all the squirrls you can find. I think that ones name is Dawn and that one is Matt.. Matt likes garbage, he REALLY likes garbage when there is leftovers from McD's in there.

9. When you make it to your desitination without freezing off your left butt cheek. This also goes for hacking up a left lung. I must not like my left side.

10. When you get a facebook message! Who doesn't want these? Honestly?

Sometimes the answer is "yes" then cower behind the hand sanitizer machine in the hallway

When walking to and fro and then fro again usually me walking down the hall to a class you often see the strangest people. There is no popping up of the collar and blending in with the wall paper. No-siree none of that stuff. They see you, and they remember you, and you have helped them... somehow...

Being a Peer Advisor has its good things, and it's bad things. You can't hide when people come up and ask you questions, and sometimes you know the answers!! Sometimes. I have been approached several times by people I have helped in the past... For the life of me I can never remember their names but their questions are life or death and must be solved now... I am sure someone in Student Services had walkin hours today...

Besides the point of I don't really want to help you in my free time, I thought I needed to cheer myself up with a blog. It's not exactly working. In fact it is working about as well as microwaving the keyboard, to give some kind of idea that would be very... melt-y and hard to type on because it would be all gooey and you would type something and get a whole different letter then end up calling the person to translate the email defeating the purpose.. or was they porpus? One or the other.

So to conclude my wonderful blog, I am going to put down 10 things about the cold in Idaho

1. You know its cold when you think "I'm allergic to Idaho, I break out in a rash... of cold"
2. When you think is that a snow man or a man?
3. One frozen people, two frozen people, muwahahaha (seasme street reference to the count)4. It doesn't snow, it appears
5. If you think your carrot nosed snowman can last more than 24 hours without catching sever frostbite.. of the snow.
6. When cars go sliding around the road and you say "whee I wanna play too!"
7. It's cold when you ponder if your cell phone has a freezing point like water.
8. A brain freeze happens everytime you go outside
9. "Look yellow snow, oh wait thats the dog"
10. You get pelted by falling icycles.

YAY that was acutally a difficult task to complete... 10 things that made that too hard to do! YAY!