In all essence of the holiday spirit, I have none. Zip zilch none. Maybe that is why my blogs have been so... infrequent, my passively venting frustration has gone into actual people, instead of my readers (not saying you aren't people, but you don't have to bear the brunt of it).
I hate snow, it makes things all cold and makes my shoes wet which makes my socks wet, which in turn makes my feet cold, cold feet are ALMOST as bad as waking me up from a nap in a not so gentle Mr. Rodgers sweater vest-y way. Not to mention it's hard to drive in, not the sweater vest, the snow, I know I kinda strayed away from the subject, to say the least it's bound to happen. Mostly sooner than later though.
In my grumpings and griping about the holiday season and how only the sane people must shop online I have not forgotten my dear readers, who love to hear about how much I want to deck this person, or how much I wish it rained tomato soup (well it's funny isn't it?). I have to say that shopping online makes it more present-y everyday. Because of the large packages that appear the door step with YOUR name on it, brought to you by none other than the UPS person. I like our UPS person, I have an affinity for people who handle my packages well. The answer is yes I giggled just a little bit there. Although I have noticed they traded in the regular short brown shorts for long brown trousers and over coats, at least they stuck with the same color right?
At the risk of defiling my blog of it's very correctness I have avoided such terms as, Christmas, Hanaka, Kwanza, St. Nicholas Day, Bert and Ernie Day. Well you get the point. I myself have tried to say Happy Holidays to people as to not upset them if they believe in something different. However in modern day America it's kind of hard to believe we don't call this holiday "shop-till-our-wallets-are-empty-and-the-loan-sharks-are-coming day." This is the day when WalMart was born in a manager or something like that, we have lost the true meaning of the holidays. Do people know this... no.... am I going to force them to know this... not really.
Things you may have missed out on by me not blogging:
- Me almost decking a patron for smack talking my job.
- My brother trading paint with a PT cruiser in my car and my telling him to gun it.
- How soft and loving I can be when people don't take their pills.
- How some people don't understand my sarcasm and take me seriously, honestly people I know you can sense it, just feel the force.
- Me deciding it is time to clean my room, told myself today is the day, for two weeks, and napping instead of doing it. Eh I'm 21 what can I say, not like I am going to have home and garden inspection people after me.
- More moaning and groaning about the holiday season.
- I have offically changed the word, "child" to "100 calorie pack" because honestly there isn't much to em and they usually come in clumps (well out here they come in small freights, but that's another blog) so I mean hungry? Need a snack? There ya go. (By no means does my blog support cannibalism or abduction of children to be used as 100 calorie packs)
Before I am done complaining my way through yet another night of work, by holding the chair down and sitting here talking into the fan so I sound like Darth Vader, I have one more thing to go on and on about. PARTIES... most of all... Family parties.
My mother feels she has to throw a family party every year for my step things children and parents. These mostly involve me cleaning, cleaning, wishing I was dead, cleaning some more and then feeling guilty I had to retreat to my room because the 100 calorie packs had somehow run into a chair and hurt their heads. Drama. That's what these 100 calorie packs are.. drama.. Anyways. So she invites my step dads 5 kids, plus their young children plus his parents. (And it seems like we always end up with a few looters and hobos too) And then I am on the spot to assist her. Wouldn't be bad cept did you see that list of people I just mentioned? That is like most of Idaho Falls!
Every year there are a few things that happen, without fail:
- Step dad ends up injured (in this years case he is already there! So that's one check already down!)
- The "walking farts" are brought by his mother to the house, she seems to be quite unaware that these are happening.
- Children run in fright when they see me and I make no effort what-so-ever to make contact with them.
- My ability to hide is about as good as an elephant playing hide and go seek with the sun, doesn't happen.
However this year promises some new stuff on the horizon!!
- Step Grandma got her teeth pulled and fitted for dentures... That's a good thing, as long as you aren't the one cleaning up grandma goo.
- There have been like 20 child births (I know that would be 4 births per child but hell it feels like it) so more crying, screaming things that I want nothing to do with (maybe this one should go up in the "count on this happening" category as it happens every 9 months.)
- Kyle (my step whatchamacallit) went in for surgury sometime last week, and he has to use crutches. It's safe to say that he might be more useful now that we can track him by the clunk clunk of his crutches. (Most years he tries to hide by doing something only he could see as important, like painting the outhouse, breeding a buffalo ya know just the usual stuff people have to get done before the party.)
I have tried time and time again to get out of these parties but when they are held at my house it's a "you gotta come home sometime" kind of ordeal, meaning I have to shower and shave and eventually eat, and if I want to get any of that done it means being barracaded by vaccums and mops and no escape in sight! If I didn't love my mother I wouldn't support her with these adventures, but seeing as she is stuck with the obligation or the feeling of one, I will help.
This is just one of two family parties that I am sorry to say I don't want to attend the other is happening after Christmas on the 27th. This one has nothing to do with the people who will be there (of whom I all love and care for) it's just the fact that well too many attached memories and I usually end up doing something on my own, as nobody is even close to my age. Or not like I fit into any of the groups anymore, again kinda wish I could wriggle outta that one, but I know that's not happening either. So it is time to "fasten those seat-belts" and well... grab life by the buffalo horns and just see where it goes.
And so ends my wonderful gripe about the holidays. I feel I have almost written a whole book for those who even bother to read this to enjoy. I hope it was filled with the humor and wit I know you have grown to love. I could use the comments to keep going, so if you read it, comment, as I have only like 2 motivators to keep me writing these things.
At any rate.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
