If you ate a lion that would be a lot to chew

I should start referring to myself as, "he". Doesn't that sounds fun? And give the illusion that I have a psychological disorder! How exciting he said in a tone that sounded more sarcastic than not. See how it changes his writing style? Makes things seem more... well... h-y.

To say the least things have been pretty steady, given one little road bump. My step father whom we (my friends and I) have dubbed "it" over the years. He and my mother are getting a divorce, so you would think that it's all fun and games till someone steps over the tape line. Someone did. Neither me or my mother but "It". He has decided that because it was I who found him in bed with another woman (who is equally as mentally disable as he is, when we use this term it gives only one mental picture... Jack Nicholson) he thinks that I have some part to play in the divorce. Tis not I who am married to the walking hobo tis my mother.

So in this story he is trying really hard to pin me with poisoning his food with.. you guessed it flour... He has gluten intolerance and it will make him terribly ill... But do any of you see me as this malicious? I would hope not because poison him flour was not even a thought on my mind. I would gladly submit myself to lie detector test to prove this. Slander is what this is. From a sick man of course. I have hardly any time in which to concoct such schemes, I mean I have school, work, and a life to lead! I hardly have time to see myself in the mirror! haha.

So all in all, it hasn't been the most pleasant ride. But it is better than the life I lived with him!

It just goes to show that life is not always fun in blogger land. As you can see he didn't write using he to describe himself as aforementioned, oops. A little too much effort for the land blog.

So lets see how about this one! "Things you prolly shouldn't say to yourself"

1. "Is that mole new or did that one multiply?"

2. "I think I need to shave my nose hair"

3. "Did I eat (Insert meal) today?"

4. "Did that lump move?"

5. "I wonder if that person has to comb his.... hair... piece..."

6. "You make fun of the hair piece now, what happens when you have to have one"

7. "In all honesty does that even work?"

8. "Too blunt? Too blunt..."

So give this blog a better under-tone than it started with I am going to end it with

"head on apply directly to your forehead"

You are welcome Liz :P You will get me for this I know you will.

10 ways to tell if you are having a good day

1. You did not wake up in a puddle of melting snow. Kind of wet and sloshy.. like my dogs kisses... or chin...

2. You were not a victim of a "drive by catting". This is where you fall victim of being in the wrong neighborhood and find yourself against odds with a Siamese.

3. On your way to work you did not get run over. Bound to cause any day to suck, well okay I am not going to say this with 100% confidence but I am sure it is not pleasant.

4. Your hair does not have it's own weather system. Of all things in the world, curly hair is almost the worst thing. You go outside and get a lil wind, bam your hair looks like you just woke up and it is all lopsided and stuff.

5. You come out of work to find your car where you left it. Or in my case you walk out of work and have to think very very very hard... "Now where did I park..." And this happens in wal-mart, I always have to play, Hide and seek with my car... *snickers* "I doubt he can see me behind this huge truck".

6. The place you work in has not been infested by any of the following: Hannibal Lecture, Zombies, Warlocks, Demons, Small Children, Bats, Spiders, Evil ninjas. Just those every day things that can get on peoples nerves.

7. People actually read your blog and MAKE COMMENTS. It is almost sad when i post this on 3 different websites (Facebook, myspace, blogger) and I don't get any comments. What is up with that?

8. You have not fallen victim to the black plague, no limbs fall off, we don't all fall down, that last one about falling down really suits me.

9. You don't have to stop at the store for adult depends. You were almost home but then you get that call... It's like "honey can you pick up some milk, and adult diapers." and you say "sure, sure 1% or 2%"

10. Aliens haven't abducted you and taken you to their planet to raise you as a pet. "Mommy I was a human too!" "No sweetie, they are a lot of work and responsibility"

Why I do not play the cello in an orchestra

1. I don't play the cello, I have only taken flute lessons and that was a very long time ago.

2. I am a big believer on Murphy's law, if something bad can happen, it will. I can imagine it now, my strings becoming entangled in my bow and then my bow becoming like an arrow and taking out the people sitting next to me. Can you say ouch much?

3. An instrument that big is bound to be blunt too, a blunt instrument (punny!). I can just imagine me losing control of it and it sliding off the stage and knocking out the people sitting in the front row. In this case you shouldn't have bought those great expensive tickets eh?

4. Think screamo, cello style. I dont even like screamo or anything rough on the ears for that matter but somehow I would stuck in the scremo orchestra and well I am sure I can make any instrument scream... wow that sounds bad, no way to rephrase that one so it sounds better.

5. I would try to ride my cello, that would be fun but I hear they buck like one of those bulls at the fair so I would end up on the floor with a big cello horn stuck in my side and the clowns would have to come out to distract my enraged instrument, I would name her, Olga the Cello, creative huh?

I don't know what exactly inspired a blog on me not playing the cello in an orchestra but I figued it would bring a smile to my readers.