2 important lifes lessons

I sense a disturbance in the force... oh wait nevermind it's just lunch time. Or it's cold outside. One of the two.

It is Fall. I guess. By the feel of things people would think it's winter just without the snow. (I know I know that sounds dumb, winter without snow, thats like a cat without fur) The leaves are... rocketing to the ground without even changing colors. Who knew this falls color clothing line up was green?

Swine flu briskly infecting the population with it's not kosher-ness.

Farmers crops dead and withered, famers also going in the same manner.

The sprinkling systems have all been... winterized, cept the 3 places I saw this morning. Grass frozen in a crystally dew, trees and fences covered with ice, sprinklers happily dancing around tshht tshht tshht. I don't think thats a good thing.

Library aide found frozen to light pole because he thought what the hell I should lick this. Okay not so much but the thought had occured to me as a form of getting out of this frozen wasteland haha. What a way to go... as a library-cicle. Now comes in many flavors including Cherry, Grape, Raspberry cinnamon and old book! Those last two are real sellers.

So that is life lesson number one. Hate the cold? Live in Idaho? Too damn bad suck it up and deal with it. Life lesson number 2. Don't leave your stuff in the library.

I don't leave from behind my desk.
Unless any of the following require me to:
Bathroom ("run down the hall")
Food, the microwave is in the back room, I want to bring it up here then I would never leave!Patron needing something.... even then I try my best to hide behind my computer "I'm not here, nobody here, go away!"
The building is on fire
There is snake under the desk... or "theres a snake in my boot"... actually I don't wear boots so that one is out.
I hear something that sounds like a mouse squeaking
I hear a phone ring... in which if I dislike the patron I will scowl at, but if I like the person then chances are I will make fun of them.
when I leave to go home, or cause trouble next door.

Those are the only reasons I leave my desk... I will have not found your flash drive, small puppy, wallet, small child, laptop, briefcase, seat cushion, coat, slippers.... That I leave up the patrons to tell me they found.

However I do think I would notice if someone tried to steal another patron,
Me: "what's in that bag?"
Them: "Oh nothing, nothing just some laundry and... ya know.. stuff"
Me: "Right..... you must be the one who has stolen all my socks from the dyer over a lifetime."

That my friends is life lesson number 2. You may leave your stuff with me, you may set it near me, and I will watch it.. (unless its a child, those I don't do.) but if you leave it here and I am sitting here behind this computer... chances are I am facebooking and not paying ANY ATTENTION whatsoever.

Things I hate or otherwise strongly dislike Thursday

Well now I decided to start my Thursday things I hate or strongly dislike blog. Seeming as I have no patrons, my ramen has been eaten and I still have 49 mins to kill before I can go home. So lets start!


Things I hate or strongly dislike


*The ache in your butt pocket when you sit on your wallet for extended periods of time, it hurts my friends, it really does.

*Thinking I am alone in the library and dancing when in fact I am not alone and there is someone there, watching... waiting... listening... probably passing gas.

*When people drive too slowly. I like to go fast, cars were meant to go faster than walkers. In theory.

*Automatic flushing toilets, sure they keep the facilities clean but honestly I think I had a heart attack because I wasn't expecting it to flush right then.

*Eating where people can see me, because they will watch at I dribble some food down my chin or whatever. And it gets caught in my beard and then I am forced to say, "Well it tasted a little funny but my beard liked it!"

*People who can't take a joke. I work in a LIBRARY... I CRAVE social interaction. And I like to be funny and bull shit with my patrons and stuff. Some people take me all too seriously and then I feel like beating them with something big and block like, hey a book!

*Emails that say "You can make 1,000,12354,6385496546 dollars in a day!" Because I want more money, I am a librarian and a broke college student... umm... yeah... a bajillion dollars does sound fun, where can I sign up and give you my credit card number and social! Oh yes lets just give my identity to someone else! YAY!

*People who diet. "Oh I can't eat that, that's got CALORIES"... its got like 6 big deal, I would rather be fat and eat whatever than be skinny and watch like a hawk circling its prey, is it dead yet? Is it reduced fat yet? Is it a 100 calorie pack yet?

*Chairs that make noise when people move in them. The people who don't fidget, they don't sit in those chairs no... the people who wiggle like a worm sit in the squeaky chair and make noise. Got some WD40 I think your butt cheek has a squeak, oh never mind that's just the chair.

*Fun sized candy. ITS NOT FUN TO SPEND AN HOUR PEELING OUT SUCH A SMALL THING OF CHOCOLATE! might as well get the king sized and have it peeled and eaten in less than a minute. Which reminds me I have stuff in the fridge to take home.

Well I think that's all I want to hate or strongly dislike today. I don't wanna have to do much more typing and now I have to wash my dishes count the change and thing up something else fun to do... Maybe I will make a life size Washington monument out of books and stuff, that sounds fun! Although we may not have enough books... not like we have books here... but that's another story.

Have you ever?

have you ever had one of those days where your day could have ended up better if it involved oh say winning the lottery or something to do with tassles? Lets just fantasize for a minute about winning the lottery. I am sure all you would still be my friends... right? Oh look is that tomato soup splatter from Saturday on my desk? Wow thats interesting.

I quickly ended that fantasy because I was getting sad that I am broke college student. Also I have to re arrange the tables in the library because my boss is bored with the current configuration. I can't because some guy decided to plop down right in the table I was going to move. Kim said I should start table top dancing and now we have moved on to pole dancing classes. I am pretty sure I would make an interesting pole dancer. Kind of like a chubby tarzan, look out for that... oh is that a donut? Whilst I crash into the floor because I can't hang upsidedown and think of food. In theory. Or like an airplane sailing out of the sky to crash land.. oh I think you get the picture.

Maybe I shouldn't leave the tables all helter skelter like that. Nobody is using them. Not that they can, all the chairs have been pulled out and moved all over the library. Re-arranging crap is fun! Not as fun as not doing what I am supposed to do but almost equally so.

Today is harass the partons day about how they are going someplace else to get FREE printing. Then they come back and print and give you money, weird. Didn't we just cover this? Didn't you just say you were leaving to go print for free? I don't give a damn either way but still I may laugh at you. In fact I just did. HAHAHA.. oh crud now I have to count that .40 cents he gave me. Can we not do this game anymore? I would rather not play this game anymore because when you give me money that means I get to count it. And I have 70 pennies today. I took her money, her money is good here, but it was all in pennies.... lots of pennies... have I said LOTS AND LOTS of pennies yet? I think you get the picture. Not to mention they were lukewarm when she gave them to me. POCKET BUTT WARM PENNIES EWWWW....

Oh look at my pretty helterskelter tables and how nobody can use them.. Maybe I can use this as a patron detterant device. I was going to eat one of them and then let word get out but this may be simpler. As I don't know any recipies that have a good human section. In fact I think I may just throw up the soup I just ate... In fact I might throw up more than just my soup... yuck... I just made myself sick.. I didn't think that one was possible. Well time to go... do less work! YAY

insert clever title for blog here

I couldn't think of a good title for this blog, as I have no idea what in the word I am even going to talk about in it. As nothing really serious has happened in the past week or so. I was going to write a blog called "things I hate Thursday" Now that was all fine and good whilst I was in class and grumpy but once I got out and stuff I felt too happy to write a blog about things I hate. Seeming as there is not much for me to hate it would have been a small blog anyways.
Have you ever wondered how they get the cream filling in a twinkie? What are twinkies called when the filling is not in them. I would name them yellow-sponge-cake-of-death-without-filling. Thoughts? Feelings? Concerns? Things I don't care about? GOOD!

When i get old I am going to form an entire retirement home to those of us "crazy cat people". I can see it now. Cats coming out of every corner, lots of food bits scattered around. Ernies dead corpse being slowly eaten by his pet cats "Barfo" and "Steve". Cats are vicious if you don't give them enough attention. I would know.

I really don't think there is anything else going on. I lead such an exciting life. Almost too exciting. I mean hello I puzzle till 10 and then go to bed how much more exciting can you get?!!?!?! I ask you. But anyways.

There are people here in library land. Not the usual Saturday crowd. Where is Kelly? He always comes in and makes sure that we have pleanty of... erm... paranoid news tabloids that people shouldn't read but do. Last week it was don't get the flu shot because they are going to implant a microchip into you which allows them to track you. Is that why I always get a little sick after getting my flu shot? The government can see my eyes "HI MOM". I don't think they would find my life real exciting either.

Today I have a nice teacher lady and her husband. She teaches spanish? or english to children who don't know one or the other I'm not really sure. And her husband does stuff here. What I don't know but hey I am not nosey.... HA.... Other than that it's dead here. Like Cher. Minus the nose job and the reincarnations that keep happening.

Seriously people they are paying me to write this thing. Oh look another .00000001 of a cent in my bank account. I don't get paid well but I get paid. Like a hooker, not paid well but gets paid, not including the visit to the hospital for routine blood work. Oh wait, hookers don't do that stuff either, the phrase "hook line and sinker" just came to mind. Sounds like something I would throw into the Snake River and hope it sunk? I don't actually know what that phrase means.