I know all the techincal terms

In realation to my last blog, I survived the family party. Well part one of two. With not too many injuries and not too many screaming children as they were all stuffing their faces full of food and other such whatnot.

In my times here at the library I manage to create some pretty funny stuff. Like how boring it can be, or how the person in the back often laughs and talks to himself. People are werid, why I want to work with them I may never know.

So here I am sitting at work, reading, with nothing real exciting happening. Exept me blogging, or at least a vain attempt to. Here is small list-y-do with things you shouldn't be caught saying:

1. "I don't think that is supposed to be on the road."
2. "Is that a guy? Or a girl?"
3. "That isn't supposed to be there, but it's totally out of place in my house, maybe it can be a table of some sort."
4. "Did I shave today?"
5. "Is there supposed to be chunks in this?"
6. "Your jello salad looks... jello-y."

I am not entirely sure where this was going, so this blog is going to be filed under the "not totally strung together random thoughts and list-y-dos"...

And the 3 wise guys visted the little baby WalMart and said let there be capitalism!

In all essence of the holiday spirit, I have none. Zip zilch none. Maybe that is why my blogs have been so... infrequent, my passively venting frustration has gone into actual people, instead of my readers (not saying you aren't people, but you don't have to bear the brunt of it).

I hate snow, it makes things all cold and makes my shoes wet which makes my socks wet, which in turn makes my feet cold, cold feet are ALMOST as bad as waking me up from a nap in a not so gentle Mr. Rodgers sweater vest-y way. Not to mention it's hard to drive in, not the sweater vest, the snow, I know I kinda strayed away from the subject, to say the least it's bound to happen. Mostly sooner than later though.

In my grumpings and griping about the holiday season and how only the sane people must shop online I have not forgotten my dear readers, who love to hear about how much I want to deck this person, or how much I wish it rained tomato soup (well it's funny isn't it?). I have to say that shopping online makes it more present-y everyday. Because of the large packages that appear the door step with YOUR name on it, brought to you by none other than the UPS person. I like our UPS person, I have an affinity for people who handle my packages well. The answer is yes I giggled just a little bit there. Although I have noticed they traded in the regular short brown shorts for long brown trousers and over coats, at least they stuck with the same color right?

At the risk of defiling my blog of it's very correctness I have avoided such terms as, Christmas, Hanaka, Kwanza, St. Nicholas Day, Bert and Ernie Day. Well you get the point. I myself have tried to say Happy Holidays to people as to not upset them if they believe in something different. However in modern day America it's kind of hard to believe we don't call this holiday "shop-till-our-wallets-are-empty-and-the-loan-sharks-are-coming day." This is the day when WalMart was born in a manager or something like that, we have lost the true meaning of the holidays. Do people know this... no.... am I going to force them to know this... not really.

Things you may have missed out on by me not blogging:

• Me almost decking a patron for smack talking my job.
• My brother trading paint with a PT cruiser in my car and my telling him to gun it.
• How soft and loving I can be when people don't take their pills.
• How some people don't understand my sarcasm and take me seriously, honestly people I know you can sense it, just feel the force.
• Me deciding it is time to clean my room, told myself today is the day, for two weeks, and napping instead of doing it. Eh I'm 21 what can I say, not like I am going to have home and garden inspection people after me.
• More moaning and groaning about the holiday season.
• I have offically changed the word, "child" to "100 calorie pack" because honestly there isn't much to em and they usually come in clumps (well out here they come in small freights, but that's another blog) so I mean hungry? Need a snack? There ya go. (By no means does my blog support cannibalism or abduction of children to be used as 100 calorie packs)

Before I am done complaining my way through yet another night of work, by holding the chair down and sitting here talking into the fan so I sound like Darth Vader, I have one more thing to go on and on about. PARTIES... most of all... Family parties.

My mother feels she has to throw a family party every year for my step things children and parents. These mostly involve me cleaning, cleaning, wishing I was dead, cleaning some more and then feeling guilty I had to retreat to my room because the 100 calorie packs had somehow run into a chair and hurt their heads. Drama. That's what these 100 calorie packs are.. drama.. Anyways. So she invites my step dads 5 kids, plus their young children plus his parents. (And it seems like we always end up with a few looters and hobos too) And then I am on the spot to assist her. Wouldn't be bad cept did you see that list of people I just mentioned? That is like most of Idaho Falls!

Every year there are a few things that happen, without fail:

• Step dad ends up injured (in this years case he is already there! So that's one check already down!)
• The "walking farts" are brought by his mother to the house, she seems to be quite unaware that these are happening.
• Children run in fright when they see me and I make no effort what-so-ever to make contact with them.
• My ability to hide is about as good as an elephant playing hide and go seek with the sun, doesn't happen.

However this year promises some new stuff on the horizon!!

• Step Grandma got her teeth pulled and fitted for dentures... That's a good thing, as long as you aren't the one cleaning up grandma goo.
• There have been like 20 child births (I know that would be 4 births per child but hell it feels like it) so more crying, screaming things that I want nothing to do with (maybe this one should go up in the "count on this happening" category as it happens every 9 months.)
• Kyle (my step whatchamacallit) went in for surgury sometime last week, and he has to use crutches. It's safe to say that he might be more useful now that we can track him by the clunk clunk of his crutches. (Most years he tries to hide by doing something only he could see as important, like painting the outhouse, breeding a buffalo ya know just the usual stuff people have to get done before the party.)

I have tried time and time again to get out of these parties but when they are held at my house it's a "you gotta come home sometime" kind of ordeal, meaning I have to shower and shave and eventually eat, and if I want to get any of that done it means being barracaded by vaccums and mops and no escape in sight! If I didn't love my mother I wouldn't support her with these adventures, but seeing as she is stuck with the obligation or the feeling of one, I will help.

This is just one of two family parties that I am sorry to say I don't want to attend the other is happening after Christmas on the 27th. This one has nothing to do with the people who will be there (of whom I all love and care for) it's just the fact that well too many attached memories and I usually end up doing something on my own, as nobody is even close to my age. Or not like I fit into any of the groups anymore, again kinda wish I could wriggle outta that one, but I know that's not happening either. So it is time to "fasten those seat-belts" and well... grab life by the buffalo horns and just see where it goes.

And so ends my wonderful gripe about the holidays. I feel I have almost written a whole book for those who even bother to read this to enjoy. I hope it was filled with the humor and wit I know you have grown to love. I could use the comments to keep going, so if you read it, comment, as I have only like 2 motivators to keep me writing these things.

At any rate.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

It's short, it's golden, and includes fried bread!

In my defence I have not been ignoring you all, life has just been like a toaster turned up to char broiled, or maybe deep fried. Hmm deep fried toast... now that has a catch to it, NOBODY take it, that is my idea and I will someday be the founder of deep fried toast, next best thing to sliced bread! Honestly, a heart attack in a bag. I would have to think of a nifty name, such as WonderFried Bread, and instead of tiny little colored circles on the package I can make tiny little hearts! Packaging and idea, check and check wow this is the only list I have managed to complete since I was last writing a blog!

Have you ever sat and watched Golden Girls bloopers and thought to yourself "This show is like dy-no-MITE!" Well maybe with less pauses and stuff but still, everybody should at least see the show once or twice just to know what in the world I am talking about.

And I am sorry to say that although this blog was short I will be thinking about you (my readers) throughout the day and possibly come back with some more witty reparte or something.

The copy machine ate my arm!

Well not really but it is making a noise like my tummy makes when it is hungry. For the past 2 weeks and since my boss left we have had the most trouble with this stupid machine. My coworker and I have come up with many ideas on how it could "accidently" disappear.

• Push it off the landing into the snake river
• "Cash for clunkers"
• Offer it to patrons for free
• Take it for a walk with a leash and tie to a tree and forget about it
• Take it for a ride in a truck...... to the dump.....
• "spill" coffee in it

Just to name a few, we will keep working on this list. So far the first one up there is the best choice as it has wheels and can easily be... pushed.. off the ledge hahaha but we do have camera that would see us doing it and I am sure that our jobs would not be safe from that... But the copier would be gone wouldn't it?

I can just see it now. Corpse of copier found in the snake river. CSI Idaho Falls claims it to have been there for a few weeks as it had some rust on it and they cut it open and found out the age by how many rings it had... No finger prints found and no murder weapon.... That would make a great TV show..

I couldn't think of a name so here you go!

Wow, I am a year older, hard to believe you could be older than dirt and here I am! At least that is how I feel. Not always just most days. Have to say this 21st birthday of mine has been quite bittersweet if I dare to say it. It wasn't like a toilet running away with my pants or anything but maybe the sink.

Thursday- I get off WoW and see that a friend of mine is moving and that a comment said he was moving here. I flew into full on mother hen mode, made lists and all that fun stuff, NO SLEEP, but what else is new right?

Friday- After FINALLY falling asleep at 2am then getting up at 6am I begin to have possibly one of the best days ever. I sang in my car extra loud and even did extra super dancing. I am sure it was a sight, or a blindness depending on how "white" my dance skills are. Got to have cake with my friends at school and got a very lovely scarf and cane (inside joke) from my co-worker Nelle. Then it just kinda went downhill haha. Found out my friend wasn't going to come here after all. Keep in mind NO SLEEP. So I am like a taco without a shell, kinda meaty and ground up in a blender. Taco smoothie just without the tortilla.

Saturday- Drive to work, change my Voice mail thing to say something about my birthday and how I had to work but would return a phone call later. Sat at work. Did work stuff. Then went out to eat with my other family at Red Robin, night was going great but then kinda slid downhill when a friend I decided to txt got mad... See he is a close friend and I hadn't talked to him in a long time and so I wanted to make sure he knew I wasn't mad and that I hoped he hadn't forgotten my bday well... he got mad... so that kinda put a downer on my night too.

However after all this I still had a kickin' birthday and I wouldn't change it really. I was so happy Friday that I was glowing and I was just yeah. Can't say so glow-worm like Saturday and today but I guess I just need more double A's. Anybody got any I can borrow? Well I don't plan to give them back so how about just take off your hands permanently. I should be doing something other writing this rather humor-less blog, but I can't bring myself to think of anything fun of wit. Couldn't be that I was up till 2am playing WoW... oh yeah that would be it, I am tired! Pooped! And whatever else it that I am supposed to use for tired!

In this one I make an astronomy reference

So I was in the kitchen making me some tomato soup. Which is my comfort food, although full of sodium and making me all thirsty and stuff, it is still very good. So my step father whatever he is, phone rings, and it scares the living crapola out of me. To start with thats a hard task, but alas it is bound to happen, now there is a living piece of crap on the floor. Again not my idea of fun, ever been chased by one of those? ANYWAYS his phone starts to ring and it is playing "Another one bites the dust", it is his daughter.......

Does anybody besides me read into that? Just a little? Like a smidgen? And so I go ahead and say, I will blog about that, because she isn't the most... erm... well... hmm... anyways it is fitting. So I start to watch my Law and Order SVU and I hear Stabler say:

"Another one bites the dust"

Ummmmm... Coincidence? Not in a million parsecs.

Just thought that would come in handy as a character reference or something. Also it bothers me when those who are on work release from prison don't tell me till they need their paper signed. Shouldn't I have been watching you closer? GAH!

If you thought that last one was funny...

So far this week I have posted one blog this is beginning to look like my second blog of the week, or third, I don't actaully remember if I blogged more than just once or what. So anyways...

If you drive around and look for stuff, you are bound to find something. I know an overly broad statement but it still covers the general area, like a hospital gown, covers general areas, while sometimes leaving other areas.... flapping in the wind?

I found this sign while out and about doing stuff:



I like the funny, I am in love with the funny, I would marry the funny if funny weren't a glowing gas station sign. I am not entirely sure why I would want to stop the "RoadRunner Pit Stop" because isn't there a coyote stalking that roadrunner? Or something? And I have to give kudos to the poor lacky who put the sign up, that is like giving your boss the middle finger! Or something similar meaning vulgar stuff. Not only that but look at that humor in DIESEL 2.89 that my friends is a knee slapper. Oh wait... that's not a joke that is the price of diesel gas.. Well damn there goes my funny repitore of jokes about 2.89 out the window.



So within the past week or so, I dumped the GF, I took the chickens way out and did it through txt but I couldn't be happier! Other than that, thats all that has really happened, other than me still thinking about going to Arizona to visit my friend:



James. I am in dire need of a holiday and winter time in Arizona is like spring time anywhere else in the world. I think... And James is by far one of the most fun people to be with ;). But yes, time for a trip I would suspect.

Oh and I think I want to get something pierced, ears? Lip? Eye brow? Any above the waist ideas? haha. Just lookin' for some input here people, nothing out of the ordinary. I doubt I will do it but I am looking to see what you my readers think! haha