Celebrate.... Or something like that.

So yesterday I spend the whole day dealing with middle school ethnic teens. We did a "Celebrate Your Future" event (CYF) and they came and visited the college and did fun stuff all day. Hate to say it, but I hope they had fun, because someone needed to have fun for me.

It isn't good when you find yourself saying the following:

• Why am I here?
• I wonder if any of those old fashioned glazed donuts are still there
• I think I just ate all the old fashioned glazed donuts
• Oh was that a person I just ran over?
• Can we take a break yet?
• Is 40 scoops of lemonade mix enough?
• Is there anything in this lemonade mix to get me through this event?
• If not isn't there some stashed away somewhere?
• Are there still donuts left?

I think all of those ran through my head at some point during this event. And I didn't even have to do much of anything! Besides hand out the chips with my gloved hands. AFTER joking with my boss that we both looked like we were about to give protocology exams (might have been more fun? Well for one of us).

This week has been crazy with signs. No not the kind of God but the kind from like speed limit signs to gas station signs. Those are like God aren't they?
I was driving (too fast to take a picture, I tried) and saw the coolest sign at a gas station
"They told me to change the sign so I did" I laughed and laughed. I think I may have snorted a few times too! Also my dearest mother decided that Iona (a small city near Idaho Falls, with like 2 people living in it) had moved their street signs around to screw with peoples minds. Oh did I tell you there was a cop sitting by this "moved sign"? We had to drive past later that day to make sure that no signs had moved. She swore up and down and left and right that the signs had moved... Whatever she is on she is not sharing, that sounds like one wicked ride!

Did I just fail at pretending to be a druggie? What is the hip thing to say these days? "Hey man you got some stouffers? I need to get baked" Besides from just laughing at my own joke I am sure I got some kind of a response from you all too.

Well I think this blog is long enough, maybe something funny will happen today and I can write more about it. I am off to sit here and get paid to make sure this chair doesn't run away. Ah the life in the library!

Also I found this for your eating pleasure. Please let me know how it tastes

SPAM VEGGIE PITA POCKETS

1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed
1 c Chopped broccoli
1 c Chopped cauliflower
1 Tomato, chopped
1 Carrot, peeled and chopped
1/3 c Chopped cucumber
1/3 c Finely chopped onion
1/2 c Italian salad dressing
4 Pita pocket breads, halved

STATE FAIR RECIPE Carol Green, Austin, MN.
In bowl, combine SPAM, broccoli, cauliflower, tomato, carrot, cucumber, and onion. Toss with dressing. Cover and chill several hours. Spoon salad mixture into pocket bread.

I think you would come in handy....

So over the past week I have been on a self discovery mission.. Well my girl friend has helped me on said mission in discovering things. Oh look a pineapple. Anyways. I have decided that the following are things I have discovered:

• Lists are good, I like the bullet point, it's like shooting the screen with a paintball
• Never touch the neck, it is valuable realestate like Beverly Hills, CA. Touch it and I take out your teeth, with a spoon.
• I do fear closed spaces, you can't even get that with a girl on top of you, and you break out into a cold sweat and it's less make-y out-y and more thinking "Oh my god is this over yet"
• You should never eat chili or vegetables before going on a date, BAD IDEA.
• I need coaching, I am going to lay there like a sack of potatoes till I get an order, or a cue. I am a follower, by no means do I want to lead, if I lead we end up like lemmings falling off a cliff somewhere in South Dakota. But don't push too hard or I might wish I was a lemming in South Dakota.
• Phone calls are NOT my strong suit, I much prefer texting. I don't like phone calls, I can't have multiple calls at once... I can txt multiple people at once though.
• If you come to college, PLEASE DO NOT WRITE "cuz" in your papers. It makes my bosses wish they were dead. Or dying. Or more or less inable to teach..
• When I begin to say "I think I better go to bed" or "I should take you back now" it means I am mostly finished and am either A) tired B) I don't feel so great C) I am overheated D) Need a good glass of water or potty break.
• What is this list about again? I think I may have lost my point.. or direction... or something

Well even though it was a short blog, heh quickie, it still managed to get the point across. Not that this blog was about global warming or something really important but yeah. So go eat some chicken soup!

If they come a-knockin' you best be....

Today I am going to write a blog about people and things you don't want showing up on your door step.

• Lumpy Gravy- honestly who hasn't tried to make gravy and it kind of turns in something resembling oatmeal or cement? Sometimes it's just the best you can do
• If it's dieting season you don't want Ben and Jerry to come-a-knocking. They have a habit of "sticking" around for far too long, although not as chatty as Aunt Jamima.
• A ragtag gang of teenagers hungry for leftovers and whatever else in the pantry. "Can I have one of those ancient cookies that you found in the pryamids with that mummy of King Tut Tut?"
• Dead gazelles, as they are pretty useless.
• Aliens from Pluto, they may run up your A/C bill, and by run up I mean you would have to foreclose on your home and owe the government lots of money, and by lots of money, means you would get another visitor:
• Debt collectors, 'nouff said
• Life size Dora The Explorer, I am pretty sure even the cartoon versions is all scary and the backpack she wears eats stuff..... And by stuff I am pretty sure this going down a route my blog isn't ready for yet.
• Assassins- Pretty damn sure this one speaks for itself, honestly. I have threatened to send my library assassins after people who don't turn in books on time. I don't think we have had a successful hit yet.
• Your friendly neighborhood dentist who is a few picnics short of a sandwich. Unless he brings the happy gas again, then the party is on.
• Someone who wants to use your bathroom- these people prey on the nice people and steal toilet paper, and that is valuable, like wiping your ass with a gold bar... Not suggesting anybody out there try it, but if you do... I don't want to know about it.. or see any pictures...

I think that is just about it. I didn't say anything about Mormons or Jehovah Witnesses, I know I know, but this is supposed to be a blogger-safe-place with the hands holding a heart see-

Okay so I guess that is an epic fail because it looks like someone is grabbing this silhouette of someone from behind... Safe places are not safe anymore! Not to mention what is that SM in the corner.... Not sure I care to know....

Signs are like....

Today is Thursday. And I wanted to write about things I hate or dislike again... However it just isn't going to happen as I am having a great day, great week for that matter. So I am going to sit here and tell you all about things you don't care about and somehow make you care about them.

Tomorrow I am going to Barnes and Noble to buy a book. Oh yes I know my life is exciting right there, oooo a book you say. Well it's the third book in the series and if they don't have it, I will throw a tissy fit.. RIGHT THERE in the store... Can I plead temporary insanity? Maybe temporary Multiple Personality Disorder? Maybe not. But since we all know I am a mature grown young adult or whatever I am, I will not being throwing a tantrum. I might throw stuff but that's only because it excites me, to an extent.

Also today is dumb picture day! Take a look:

This sign can say many things a reader.
"Lookout my front tire escaped and you shouldn't walk there"
"Only cars without front end may not enter"
"Do nothing in the backseat here"

"Cheerio on road, lookout"

Signs.. can't live with em. Can't make sense of em... Typical. Welcome to Idaho!

2 important lifes lessons

I sense a disturbance in the force... oh wait nevermind it's just lunch time. Or it's cold outside. One of the two.

It is Fall. I guess. By the feel of things people would think it's winter just without the snow. (I know I know that sounds dumb, winter without snow, thats like a cat without fur) The leaves are... rocketing to the ground without even changing colors. Who knew this falls color clothing line up was green?

Swine flu briskly infecting the population with it's not kosher-ness.

Farmers crops dead and withered, famers also going in the same manner.

The sprinkling systems have all been... winterized, cept the 3 places I saw this morning. Grass frozen in a crystally dew, trees and fences covered with ice, sprinklers happily dancing around tshht tshht tshht. I don't think thats a good thing.

Library aide found frozen to light pole because he thought what the hell I should lick this. Okay not so much but the thought had occured to me as a form of getting out of this frozen wasteland haha. What a way to go... as a library-cicle. Now comes in many flavors including Cherry, Grape, Raspberry cinnamon and old book! Those last two are real sellers.

So that is life lesson number one. Hate the cold? Live in Idaho? Too damn bad suck it up and deal with it. Life lesson number 2. Don't leave your stuff in the library.

I don't leave from behind my desk.
Unless any of the following require me to:
Bathroom ("run down the hall")
Food, the microwave is in the back room, I want to bring it up here then I would never leave!Patron needing something.... even then I try my best to hide behind my computer "I'm not here, nobody here, go away!"
The building is on fire
There is snake under the desk... or "theres a snake in my boot"... actually I don't wear boots so that one is out.
I hear something that sounds like a mouse squeaking
I hear a phone ring... in which if I dislike the patron I will scowl at, but if I like the person then chances are I will make fun of them.
when I leave to go home, or cause trouble next door.

Those are the only reasons I leave my desk... I will have not found your flash drive, small puppy, wallet, small child, laptop, briefcase, seat cushion, coat, slippers.... That I leave up the patrons to tell me they found.

However I do think I would notice if someone tried to steal another patron,
Me: "what's in that bag?"
Them: "Oh nothing, nothing just some laundry and... ya know.. stuff"
Me: "Right..... you must be the one who has stolen all my socks from the dyer over a lifetime."

That my friends is life lesson number 2. You may leave your stuff with me, you may set it near me, and I will watch it.. (unless its a child, those I don't do.) but if you leave it here and I am sitting here behind this computer... chances are I am facebooking and not paying ANY ATTENTION whatsoever.

Global Warming.... blanket

I live in Idaho. It's cold. Only about 36 degrees here. It's only October! OCTOBER. This is why people don't Trick or Treat house to house anymore, because if they did their children would get lost in the 3 feet of snow. That and I live on snob hill and nobody wants to drive up the slippery slope... or is it that we don't give out candy anymore..... I think it's that one. Although some T or T'ers get a little angry and threaten to bring in the SWAT team and take out the door. SURPRISE... We have rice cakes? Want some? Or maybe an empty diet coke can. Alas maybe tomorrow I will make a snow man. Or snow something or other.

This weekend I got a flat tire. This happens about once a year. It's like my birthday only lots more less fun. I don't know how to change a tire, and someone jacked my jack, and I don't have a tire iron. Is a tire iron to keep the wrinkles out? Does Jack get hungry sitting in my trunk? Flat tires are F-U-N! Yes, you now have to say "fun" F dashy thingy U dashy doodad N exclamation point. If you don't.... well.... It's late I can't actually think of anything that would hunt anybody down. I am too lazy to hire someone or something. Plus how would I know if you violated my new rule? I'm like a mom, I have eyes and ears EVERYWHERE.

Has that ever really creep-ed you out when your mom or someone close has done that? "Taylor, don't do that." "Taylor stop it." It gets to the point where you are doing something right and want them to see it but they don't. It's like a LONG blink. They are just blinking when you're doing something good, and just happen to be not blinking when you are doing something bad. Like they only blink once and awhile because it's such a long blink it just kinda makes up for all the lost blinks. Wow this traveled a lot farther than I had thought. Maybe it's my new bleached hair. The blond is leaking into my brain... oh wait.. what brain? Can you lose something you never had?

Things I hate or otherwise strongly dislike Thursday

Well now I decided to start my Thursday things I hate or strongly dislike blog. Seeming as I have no patrons, my ramen has been eaten and I still have 49 mins to kill before I can go home. So lets start!


Things I hate or strongly dislike


*The ache in your butt pocket when you sit on your wallet for extended periods of time, it hurts my friends, it really does.

*Thinking I am alone in the library and dancing when in fact I am not alone and there is someone there, watching... waiting... listening... probably passing gas.

*When people drive too slowly. I like to go fast, cars were meant to go faster than walkers. In theory.

*Automatic flushing toilets, sure they keep the facilities clean but honestly I think I had a heart attack because I wasn't expecting it to flush right then.

*Eating where people can see me, because they will watch at I dribble some food down my chin or whatever. And it gets caught in my beard and then I am forced to say, "Well it tasted a little funny but my beard liked it!"

*People who can't take a joke. I work in a LIBRARY... I CRAVE social interaction. And I like to be funny and bull shit with my patrons and stuff. Some people take me all too seriously and then I feel like beating them with something big and block like, hey a book!

*Emails that say "You can make 1,000,12354,6385496546 dollars in a day!" Because I want more money, I am a librarian and a broke college student... umm... yeah... a bajillion dollars does sound fun, where can I sign up and give you my credit card number and social! Oh yes lets just give my identity to someone else! YAY!

*People who diet. "Oh I can't eat that, that's got CALORIES"... its got like 6 big deal, I would rather be fat and eat whatever than be skinny and watch like a hawk circling its prey, is it dead yet? Is it reduced fat yet? Is it a 100 calorie pack yet?

*Chairs that make noise when people move in them. The people who don't fidget, they don't sit in those chairs no... the people who wiggle like a worm sit in the squeaky chair and make noise. Got some WD40 I think your butt cheek has a squeak, oh never mind that's just the chair.

*Fun sized candy. ITS NOT FUN TO SPEND AN HOUR PEELING OUT SUCH A SMALL THING OF CHOCOLATE! might as well get the king sized and have it peeled and eaten in less than a minute. Which reminds me I have stuff in the fridge to take home.

Well I think that's all I want to hate or strongly dislike today. I don't wanna have to do much more typing and now I have to wash my dishes count the change and thing up something else fun to do... Maybe I will make a life size Washington monument out of books and stuff, that sounds fun! Although we may not have enough books... not like we have books here... but that's another story.